I hallucinate, therefore I am—chaos;head 3

There is no truth; only perception of truth.

There is no truth; only perception of truth.

At this point of the show, it’s nearly impossible to unequivocally determine what is the reality behind Chaos;Head. Most of the scenes so far are from the perspective of the hallucinogenic protagonist Takumi with only a few exception scenes that are not quite consistent themselves anyway. If we can trust the perspectives of Yua at all, then we can make a guess that Takumi is simply suffering from a delusional, existential need to find meaning and importance of his life by projecting that which he has so far been receiving only from the 2D worlds into his 3D world. On the other hand, the perspective of the silver hair girl (is she also FES?), if her perspective is trustworthy at all, suggests that there may just be a real supernatural element at work after all.

Of course, any attempt to dig out the truth is defeating the very purpose of the show, which is to illustrate what goes on inside Takumi’s chaotic head instead of what happens in Shibuya, Tokyo, where murders take place just like in any other metropolis. If this show will stick to its plot, then don’t expect anything to be spelled out even when the ending comes. It’ll just be one long tumbling fall down the rabbit’s hole.

Despite having said that, I will go ahead and commit the sin of taking a crack at what really is happening. I would be, as most would say, doing it wrong. However, what I am about to say is no less unreal than what Takumi has hallucinated himself so far—it is merely my own version of the chaos.

Since childhood, Takumi had never been the popular kid; no one thought much of poor little Takumi. One day when his mom refused to let him go to a school trip, Takumi wished, naturally like any other kids would, that no one else could go either. So, when news of the accident came, the kid Takumi started to feel bad that he might have something to do with it in a manner that is not much different from when a kid thinks it is his fault whenever his parents fight. For kid Takumi to deal with such traumatic event so close to him at such young age, wild thoughts can, and often do, flourish in such young, malleable mind.

In as much as the idea that he did have something to do with the tragedy was frightening to him, it also did, in some sense, make him feel more existential—the feeling that he was not so invisible after all, that his action or even his very thought could cause life and death consequences, that some higher power needed to keep an eye on him. As Takumi brooded over this possibility, his mind naturally started to twist and distort both the timing and details of the sequence of events so as to support his delusion of self importance. He did not really predict all the details of the accidents. He simply heard them from his mom after the fact and then modified the timestamps in the sequence of events. Of course, all of this was done subconsciously, or else his mind would wake up from his fabricated reality, like in the Matrix movie, and he would lose everything. His mom probably never took him to see a doctor either. His childhood memory of the doctor was copied over from when he had just visited the doctor for the first time in this episode. What a mind job.

As Takumi grew older and played many more video games in which the main character was always at the center of the universe, he found himself retreating away from the real world where he was a nobody and largely ignored, and absorbing into the virtual world where he was unbeatable as Knight of the Haruta. Now, when you spend so much time in the virtual reality, it has a way to creep into your real reality. Back six month when I was spending ten hours a day on Grand Theft Auto IV, there were times when I was on the real street—I had to forage for food after all—and upon seeing a NYPD patrol car pulling by, I felt the urge to walk up to it, open the door, yank the cop out of the vehicle, and drive away. And I probably would have done so if I had a Seira-tan wifey inciting me. Back to Takumi’s case, he did have a Seira-tan wifey, a character that was his beloved in many of the games he played. Puberty was the cause; delusion was the mean; and Seira-tan was the result. It started out from his need to associate with girls, but quickly expanded to become his motivational force for everything from waking up in the morning, to surfing taboo websites, to investigating Yua’s charges.

Next came a new external stimulant that Takumi had not dealt with before: murders in his neighborhood of Shibuya city. A real cult-like subculture called the New Gene was committing some gruesome killings. News of them were all over the internet, which led to a new idea brewing in his subconscious mind.

Then on one fateful day, he actually did stumble upon the third murder scene. At a moment of panic, his mind, failing to process the reality in front of his eyes, got short-circuited and hallucinated the image of one of his lesser known classmate Rimi from year 1 in high school. In fear, he ran away, while the security camera captured his fleeing with a wimbled cross in his hand but obviously not his hallucination of Rimi. Later on, he changed the timestamps on the pictures and on the chat session himself while taking on another personality that had yet been revealed in the show so far. To be able to predict the future is one thing, but to be able to produce a live photo of the future is just ludicrous, unless you have a time machine, which is equally ludicrous. The timestamp of the picture had to have been modified after he had acquired them from the internet.

Why would he do that? To become Gurajiouru, a powerful mythical being written on fantasy books whose goal is to annihilate the world. With this new personality that he is unaware of yet, he becomes the center of the universe where FES is his John the Baptist and other beautiful girls he sees on the streets are angels with gigantic swords either here to assist him or to stop him. You can’t get much bigger than the destructor of the world. All of this is to feed his need to feel #1, the center of the world for which all events around him, including the murders, take existence because of him.

Well, that’s my delusional take on Chaos;Head so far. I don’t claim this to be true, but frankly, this show isn’t about what is true—it’s about what you perceive as true. So, believe what you wish—it’s all good—as long as your chaotic mind accepts it.

Or maybe this whole thing is just one of many episodes from the daydreaming of Rei from EVA.

Or maybe this whole thing is just one of many episodes from the daydreaming of Rei from EVA.


About bakaneko

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4 Responses to I hallucinate, therefore I am—chaos;head 3

  1. Panther says:

    Well he might still be suffering from DID, as Yua suggests in the episode. I am waiting for Sena, next episode at last.

  2. Pingback: Weekend Recap - 10/23 - 10/26 « wat u say

  3. GWT says:

    Its always fun to watch people try to puzzle out Chaos;HEAd after playing the game.
    Good to see it’s staying accurate to the original script, though.

  4. Pingback: For whom the bell tolls—casshern sins 7 « nekodan

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